First let me say that I get it. The wanting baby pics. Cute, cuddly, delicious. Who doesn't love babies? Only the very icky people that's who. And none of my readers are icky people. So I'm working on more baby pics...But I can't help to pause and reflect on the fact that really, for the most part, coming here is about the baby pics and that's pretty much it. That's okay. Like I said, I get it. The reason I posted the other day was because I was sick of not posting anything and had some thoughts rolling around that I needed to get down on "paper". Also, I thought maybe my experience was worthy of sharing and that others could learn from my mistakes.
Honestly though, folks, I'm tired. I have nine children 15 1/2 down to 7 months. That last pregnancy and delivery was the hardest thing I've been through physically and emotionally. I still feel like I'm trying to recover from it and I secretly wonder if I'm not experiencing some PTSD. I've had some wicked bad anxiety issues of late. We're gearing up for another school year that (per usual) I'm mostly unprepared for. I'm not sure why (well maybe having 2 in high school this year with 2 in middle school and 3 in elementary has something to do with it) but planning this school year has taxed me like no other year has yet. I'm in burnout mode and the school year hasn't even begun. Not good. Also, we're broke. I mean living paycheck to paycheck broke. The medical bills and credit card bills (how do you think a family of 11 gets by when the husband and only income provider has to take time away from work for two months) are killing us and the van has been in and out of the shop 4 times since the beginning of the year. I have a special needs child who's problems have only grown more pronounced since my hospitalization. To boot, the insurance won't cover ANY of his medical bills and therapy. I guess a child's mental health is not something society thinks is a priority. I'm forever feeling like I'm behind the clock and when I do have time I feel like I should be doing anything other than blogging and editing photos. Right now I should be off of this computer doing other things. More important things. The baby's crying and I need to tend to her. I need to focus on the one thing that really matters. I love this place. I really, really love this place and the blogging mommy community that has been more than generous with me. But I'm left wondering why do I even keep this blog open. For baby pics? Maybe. That's okay. It's got to be, I guess. Baby pics are a way to focus on the happiness in life and that's always time well spent, right? :)
Has this been "real" enough? Ugh and blech.